Let’s face it. Your father has always wanted one: a necktie. And not just any necktie, but a necktie with the Deseret Alphabet on it! Heck, what sort of man could possibly resist?
Here, then, is your chance to make your papa proud this Fathers Day. Go to http://www.zazzle.com/jhjenkins, where you’ll have your choice of two (two!) different necktie designs. Each is in fashionable black with green text featuring quotations from 19th century LDS leaders (including the unfathomable Brigham Young himself) encouraging the use of the Deseret Alphabet. The regular tie has nice small type for the Elders Quorum, and the large print tie is perfect for the High Priest in your life.*
Now, to be honest, I haven’t actually seen one of the ties for myself. My experience with Zazzle suggests that they may look truly awful. Don’t worry, though—Zazzle has a thirty-day refund policy. That will give me a chance to try again and see if I can do something better than before.
And, as an extra bonus, two different Deseret Alphabet bumper stickers are also available. Let everyone know of your intellectual superiority in a truly American fashion: by putting it on your car! One bumper sticker challenges other drivers to “Honk if you can read this,” and the other pilfers from a popular Primary** song to tell everyone just how lovely we all know the Deseret Alphabet to be.
I have seen the bumper stickers, and they do look fairly nice though I say who shouldn’t. Even my wife thinks so, and she’s a stickler about this sort of thing. (Me not saying anything, that is.)
Of course, if you happen to pick up a copy of the QR code t-shirt or the official IRG #37 t-shirt while you’re there—well, I won’t object.***
For the Gentile:
*All Mormon males above the age of twelve are clergy of one variety or another. Almost all adult men are either Elders (if they’re not elderly) or High Priests (if they are). LDS women are relieved to be able to spend at least one hour a week away from the men and are to be found in the appropriately-named “Relief Society.”
**This is the weird meeting your LDS friends used to go to once a week after primary school—at least, if you’re old enough to have gone to primary school before around 1980 and had any LDS friends.
***Yes, I do get a small amount of money from each sale. If you think I’m going to make any real money off of this, well, I have a bridge across the East River you may be interested in purchasing.